Rangers Defeat Islanders By Forfeit (Faux Preseason Game 4)
In an effort to lighten the mood during the lockout, The New York Rangers Blog will be writing faux recaps for every Rangers game missed due to the work stoppage. Enjoy.
Uniondale, NY - For just the third time in NHL history a game was decided by a forfeit as the New York Rangers were awarded the victory over the New York Islanders after the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum was deemed unsafe for play.
"The first clue that conditions might be dangerous was when we walked into the area and the Jumbotron was impaled into center ice," said an amused John Tortorella.
No one was fatally injured in the accident, however, Rick DiPietro suffered a pulled groin when he jumped out of the way of the fallen object while taking his pregame skate. He will be out 3-5 months.
"With everything that's gone on in my career, I would have almost rather it landed on me and just ended it," said a visibly upset DiPietro.
Also found in the Rangers locker room were piles of asbestos dust.
"Originally, I had thought Isles head coach Jack Capuano had gone through here with his daily box of powdered donuts," said Rangers Assistant GM Jim Schoenfeld, who knows a thing or two about donuts. "But once the biohazard team finished their tests we knew we had to evacuate the facility right away."
These two safety concerns, in addition to the lingering plumbing and structural issues forced the NHL's hand.
"This is a new low even for us," said John Tavares. "I can't believe I signed an extension with this team."
After the forfeit was made official, the NHL released this statement:
"In response to the Islanders disregard for human life, we felt it was necessary to issue a forfeit for tonight's game. Because the violation was so egregious, the Islanders will also be forced to wear their Gordan Fisherman jerseys for the entire season as additional punishment."
While the Rangers were happy to get the victory, most bubble players would have rather played the game.
"Whenever you're trying to make an impression during training camp the last game you want canceled is the one against the Islanders," noted a disappointed Petr Nedved. "It's a guaranteed three point night."
Upon hearing that the Rangers were traveling to Kansas City the next morning for their Saturday night preseason game against the Avalanche, Islanders owner Charles Wang was overheard asking Glen Sather if the entire Islanders organization could hitch a ride.
The Rangers are now 3-0-1 this preseason.
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@iamthecam I loved the Dipietro remark, the asbestos, and the punishment being wearing the Gorton's fisherman jersey for the season.
@TheNYRBlog what are you in the fifth grade?PLaying pretend? Ok I got one, let's pretend I'm a giant about to step on your stupid head.
@ErinSharoni I haven't missed @NHL at all. Between work,MLB playoffs and NFL 3 nights,my time is occupied. Out of sight. Out of mind#apathy
Ok that was hysterical. Thank you for making light of this and I am sharing this story because it is worth it!
Seeing the Islanders wear the Gorton's fishermen jerseys would have almost been worth breathing the cancerous powder. Jokes aside- To be honest I'm glad this decision was made. Thousands of Rangers fans who attend these games at the coliseum- myself included- would have been at risk due to the dangerous conditions if this game were allowed to go on. I would have had to miss at least a day of work due to the cough and breathing problems that hit a day or two after visiting the coliseum.
I have to give the NHL props for this one. If there was ever a question of whether or not league officials care about the fans of the game, it was answered tonight. I can't thank them enough.
@TheNYRBlog After today's news I didn't think anything I read on twitter would make me smile. Boy, I was wrong!
It would have been great to have Dave Volek jump on the ice, score a goal, celebrate and then leave thinking it was 1993 again.
@TheNYRBlog "I would have almost rather it landed on me and just ended it," said a visibly upset DiPietro. Lol enjoying the faux recaps
@TheNYRBlog I wish we had real recaps of course. I enjoy yours and your writers articles. How about a "where are they now" mighty ducks? Lol
@TheNYRBlog I just absolutely lost it over that recap...dipietro wishes it just fell on him hahahahaha. So awesome dude
@TheNYRBlog Well done. Definitely not what I was expecting but since you're gonna have to write so many might as well have fun with them lol
@angelzeyes2521 Exactly. We're going to have to be creative to keep them interesting. I have some really odd ones in my head already.
@TheNYRBlog Oh gosh! I can only imagine. I want the lockout to end but I'm intrigued by what you might come up with.
@TheNYRBlog When I read your tweet I said to myself, "If this is about Nassau Colosseum being a shithole I must read." THANK YOU.
